Well hello, friends! Welcome back to my annual tradition of writing a yearly playlist-blog-post-life-update combo, a thing that nobody asked for but which brings me great joy, which is why I keep doing it.
It kind of feels like I’m ending 2021 in the exact same way I started it—staying inside, wearing a mask and washing my hands every five minutes—but now that I’m sitting down and thinking about it, a lot of things happened this year. I was on the radio a bunch! I moved out! My debut chapbook arrhythmia is being published by Rahila’s Ghost Press and you can pre-order it right now if you so choose!
Anyway, I also listened to a bunch of music that I loved, so…here we go! As always, you can listen on Spotify and read thoughts on some of my favourite tracks below.
Feels Like - Gracie Abrams
You know when you meet someone new and you totally weren’t expecting it but you have this moment after you get home from spending the day together where you close the door and take a breath and realize that from now on they’re going to be an incredibly important part of your life?
…Right, so another thing that happened this year: I started dating my boyfriend. He’s wonderful in every possible way, he makes me laugh like nobody I’ve ever met, I’ve written nothing but sappy love poetry for months—you get the idea. Anyway, this song almost perfectly encapsulates every thought running through my mind in the early days of our relationship. “This is what it feels like,” indeed.
favorite crime - Olivia Rodrigo
Like everyone else and their mother, I listened to a lot of Olivia Rodrigo this year. And I mean a lot a lot; according to Spotify, “drivers license” was my most played song of 2021. But “favorite crime” made this playlist because I think it’s my favourite track off SOUR—I love the harmonies, the smart writing, the build to the final chorus. And it makes for a killer live performance, too.
That Funny Feeling - Bo Burnham
I watched the entirety of Inside exactly one time and don’t think I’ll be doing it again—not because I didn’t like it, but because Bo did such a good job reflecting all my anxiety and anger and general existential dread that I finished it feeling like I’d run an emotional marathon, more anxious and angry and sad than ever.
For some reason, though, “That Funny Feeling” has kind of the opposite effect on me. It’s been a song I turn to when I feel like the world is ending (which is a lot these days) and want to hear from someone who just gets it. Also, it’s beautifully written—”that unapparent summer air in early fall / the quiet comprehending of the ending of it all” is one of my favourite lyrics of the year.
More Like You - Orla Gartland
I had two songs that I deemed “insecurity anthems” this year, and “More Like You” was one of them. I’m not going to go into a whole sphiel about how I spent too much time comparing myself to people on the internet this year, despite knowing that the videos and photos posted online are carefully curated windows into a person’s life and no one is perfect, etc, etc.
I know all that. So does Orla. But it feels good to hear her sing about it anyway.
All Too Well (10 Minute Version) - Taylor Swift
I mean, how could I not?
Red was the first Taylor Swift album rollout I remember really paying attention to, and “All Too Well” was one of the formative songs that shaped my love for breakup/heartbreak songs in general. Suffice it to say that I was incredibly excited to finally hear the 10-minute version of “All Too Well” that Taylor has hinted at for years.
And I was not disappointed—I think the 10 minute version does incredible work expanding on the themes and story of the original song without overstaying its welcome, which is high praise for a song this long. Plus, it gave us the line “you kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath.” What a lyric. What a song.
If My Heart Was a House - Owl City
- N ❤︎
That’s The Kind of Woman - Julia Micheals
Welcome to Insecurity Anthem #2! According to Spotify, this was my 2nd-most-played song of 2021. Yes, everything is fine, why do you ask?
No, but really—the main conceit of this song is so smart, and every line is relatable (minus the one about not loving her sister, my sister is great). I’ve been disappointed in myself a lot this year, to be honest. I’ve dropped the ball on things that should have been priorities, failed to keep in touch with people who are important to me, thought “I should be better than this” one too many times.
In 2021, I imagined so many versions of myself that I would love more than the person I am right now. “That’s The Kind of Woman” helps me feel a little less alone in that.
Grow As We Go - Ben Platt
So a lot of things happened this year.
Personal insecurities and shortcomings aside, 2021 was, overall, a pretty good year for me! And as always, when I write these reflection-type pieces, I find it hard to reconcile the pretty good year I’ve had with the fact that the world is so extremely on fire. Global pandemic, the devastating effects of climate change, the endless failures of late-stage capitalism…the list goes on.
Last year my unofficial song of the year was Phoebe Bridgers’ “I Know The End,” a scream of defiance into the void. This year, it’s “Grow As We Go,” a sweet accoustic ballad about growing alongside your partner over the course of a relationship.
Of course, this song—which I’ve loved for years—has taken on new meaning in the context of my relationship. But I’ve also been thinking a lot about what it means to grow alongside other people. About how the process of growth can be messy and confusing and difficult to manage, about how sometimes we grow in ways we could never have expected or predicted.
I do think that surviving (what feels like) the end of the world means looking for ways to learn and grow in our personal lives. But I also think it means growing towards community instead of away from it, supporting the people around us as they undergo periods of change, and holding grace for ourselves as we go through our own.
All this to say: in 2022, I’m choosing to grow towards the people I love instead of away from them.
Thanks for reading, all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I have some friends I need to text back.
